Keeping Fun in the Bedroom in a Long-Term Relationship
Maintaining excitement and fun in the bedroom is essential for a thriving long-term relationship. Over time, familiarity and routine can set in, and the spark that once defined your connection might seem to dim. However, with intentional effort and open communication, it’s entirely possible to keep intimacy exciting and enjoyable for both partners. And yes, a little humor goes a long way—so don’t take everything too seriously (except for safety precautions—always take those seriously).
1.
Prioritize Communication
The foundation of a satisfying intimate life is open and honest communication. Share your thoughts, fantasies, and desires with your partner in a safe and non-judgmental way. Regularly check in about what works and what doesn’t. Remember, telepathy isn’t real (yet), so say what’s on your mind—but maybe skip announcing your undying love for pizza mid-pillow talk.
- Tips for Better Communication:
- Schedule time for deep, uninterrupted conversations (yes, even if it’s during Netflix buffering).
- Use "I" statements to express needs and desires (e.g., "I feel excited when...").
- Explore tools like the Gottman Card Decks app for conversation prompts designed for couples.
2.
Experiment Together
Trying new things can reignite passion and create a sense of novelty. This could include exploring new positions, introducing toys, or even reading erotic literature together. Just make sure the experiments don’t feel like a high school science project—no lab coats or bunsen burners required (unless you’re into that).
- Ideas to Consider:
- Role-playing or dressing up to act out fantasies (nothing says “sexy” like a good pirate accent).
- Attending workshops or reading books about intimacy (e.g., The Joy of Sex or Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski).
- Experimenting with sensory experiences like blindfolds or massage oils—just be careful not to confuse massage oil with cooking oil.
- Turn up the heat with temperature play—ice cubes and warm hands can create unforgettable sensations. Just make sure the ice cube doesn’t end up in your drink.
3.
Schedule Intimacy
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, spontaneous intimacy might become less frequent. Scheduling intimate time can ensure that it remains a priority in your relationship. Think of it as a "date night" for your more adventurous side—set a reminder on your phone, but maybe not for 3 p.m. during a Zoom meeting.
- How to Make It Work:
- Treat this time as sacred and non-negotiable (just like brunch).
- Plan ahead to build anticipation (e.g., flirt throughout the day via texts or notes that say, "Tonight: you, me, and the fancy sheets").
- Create a relaxing environment with dim lighting, music, or scented candles (pro tip: avoid candles that smell like bacon unless you want snack cravings).
- Add a little spontaneity within your planned time—a surprise playlist, a new outfit, or even a cheesy romantic gesture can elevate the mood.
4.
Keep the Playfulness Alive
Playfulness fosters connection and helps break down barriers. Humor and lightheartedness in the bedroom can make intimate moments feel less pressured and more enjoyable. Remember, if something goes hilariously wrong, like getting tangled in lingerie, laughter can be the best aphrodisiac.
- Fun Ideas:
- Play intimacy-focused games like Monogamy or DIY games you create together (like a “safe” version of truth or dare).
- Use playful props or outfits that make you both laugh and relax (yes, even if it’s a banana costume).
- Try challenges like kissing for a full minute without anything else or having a "no hands" rule—a surefire way to discover how clumsy you both are.
- Turn up the silliness by having a pillow fight or creating a “romantic fort” out of blankets—who says adults can’t relive their childhood fun?
5.
Focus on Non-Sexual Intimacy
Building closeness outside the bedroom can greatly enhance your intimate life. Emotional and physical affection unrelated to sex deepens trust and love, which naturally translates to more fulfilling experiences. Plus, who doesn’t like a good cuddle marathon?
- Ways to Build Connection:
- Regular cuddling, hand-holding, or giving each other back rubs (bonus points for finding the exact spot that needs it).
- Sharing hobbies, date nights, or new adventures together (trying new things together might include finally assembling that IKEA furniture).
- Practicing mindfulness or meditation as a couple (or just lying quietly and pretending to meditate).
- Start a gratitude journal where you both list reasons you appreciate each other—it’s romantic, and you’ll always have a pick-me-up ready for tough days.
6.
Invest in Self-Care
Your personal well-being impacts your intimate life. Confidence, energy, and a sense of self-worth play significant roles in maintaining a healthy sexual connection. Because let’s face it: feeling great about yourself makes everything—and we mean everything—better.
- Tips for Self-Care:
- Exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet to boost energy and confidence (or dance wildly in your kitchen while pretending it’s cardio).
- Manage stress through relaxation techniques like yoga or journaling (or screaming into a pillow if it’s been that kind of day).
- Take time for personal grooming and dressing in ways that make you feel attractive (yes, even if it’s just a good pair of socks).
- Treat yourself to a self-care day—bubble baths, a spa trip, or just uninterrupted napping can do wonders for your mood.
7.
Seek Professional Guidance
If intimacy challenges persist, don’t hesitate to seek help from a licensed therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships. Professionals can offer personalized strategies to address specific concerns. Because sometimes you need a third party to say, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
- Resources to Explore:
- American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) to find qualified professionals.
- Books like Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel for insights into sustaining desire.
- Check out online forums or communities where couples share advice and encouragement—you’re not alone in this journey.
8.
Celebrate Each Other’s Growth
People evolve over time, and so do their needs and preferences. Be curious about your partner’s journey and celebrate the ways they’ve grown. After all, no one stays exactly the same—even your taste in pizza has probably changed.
- Practical Steps:
- Ask questions about their evolving fantasies or preferences (and share yours too—no judgment if yours involves a Victorian-era tea party).
- Celebrate milestones and accomplishments together (yes, even if it’s just finally fixing the leaky faucet).
- Remind them (and yourself) of what you love about each other (like their ability to put up with your quirky snoring).
- Create a tradition of writing love letters to each other every year—it’s sentimental and a perfect way to reflect on how far you’ve come.
Final Thoughts
Keeping fun in the bedroom is an ongoing process that requires creativity, effort, and mutual respect. By prioritizing connection and exploring new ways to deepen intimacy, you can sustain a passionate and fulfilling relationship for years to come. And when in doubt, just remember: laughter is sexy, too.
For more in-depth advice and resources, check out these links:
- Esther Perel’s Blog for fresh perspectives on relationships.
- Lovehoney’s Guides for tips on introducing toys and games.
- Psychology Today’s Articles on Intimacy for evidence-based advice.
Footnotes:
- Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). "The Relationship Cure."
- Perel, E. (2006). "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence."